Coping with the Commute
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Topic: Coping with the Commute
Posted By: toomuchcoffeelady
Subject: Coping with the Commute
Date Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 11:43am
OK, I've only been at it for a couple months yet, but the commute (rte 3 to Metro Center) is sucking the life out of me. 2-3 hours a day in the car, on top of 9-10 hours at the office (meaning due to the demands of my job, leaving by 5 isn't always an option, so I'm forced to drive).... I feel like all I do is sleep, shower and commute Mon- Fri (not to mention, spending F-ing $500/month on gas!) and it is FRUSTRATING. Time to exercise? Screw that, just let me be out of shape and die of diabetes. No problemo.
I've planned my career around my life NOT revolving around my job, only to find it revolving around my commute because my H and I were "stupid" enough to buy a house we could afford.
No joke, I have listened to every single book on tape Spotsy's limited public library has to offer.
How long does it take to stop being "bitter"? Does anyone have any "coping" strategies to not be extremely resentful?
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Replies:
Posted By: getmehome pweeze
Date Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 12:55pm
I feel your pain- as I believe many of us do. H and I bought the house we could afford as a young couple- 4 years later, commuting from Stafford to DC and having a newborn in daycare 12 hours a day- I hate the commute. The bitterness gets dulled by the thought that my child will benefit from this by having two parents who work hard to pay for the nice house, good daycare, and spend every free moment (mostly on the weekends)showering her with love and attention.
Slug'n till 2010 (when the HOT lanes roll in)
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Posted By: AWinner
Date Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 2:43pm
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While income is decent in the DC area, I think quality of life is still low, mostly because of the long work hours and commute. I also believe that renting close to DC is underrated and owning a SFH far away is overrated. This is especially true since home prices have fallen dramatically. Unfortunately, the people who are beginning to realize this are unable to sell their homes at a decent price.
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Posted By: Oxi
Date Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 4:35pm
quote:
Originally posted by toomuchcoffeelady
How long does it take to stop being "bitter"? Does anyone have any "coping" strategies to not be extremely resentful?
I hear you. Live in Burke ( granted, a bit closer to DC then you but still in for a long haul), have 2 kids, and wish every day I could stay home a bit longer. My hubby works in Fairfax, so I am bit more fortunate - he get home way before me. And now I have my parents living with us and taking care of the baby. Nevertheless, commute drives me crazy! I am not sure we can stop being bitter - maybe become a bit less bitter... And enjoy EVERY MOMENT we spend with our families. I think we should draft a law "Working Moms Allowed to Work from Home Twice a Week" and submit it to the Congress. Do I hear "Yes"? [:)]
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Posted By: getmehome pweeze
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 7:56am
Here!! here!! Oxi!!
Slug'n till 2010 (when the HOT lanes roll in)
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Posted By: sluDgE
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 8:40am
Where are the telecommuting options? [?]
That surely could help a lot of us. [;)]
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Posted By: toomuchcoffeelady
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 10:25am
Oxi and SluDgE are speaking my language! :)
And the rest of you... have confirmed my suspicions, that having children (I do not yet [:(] ) are the only thing that would make our ridiculous "life"style/commute worth it.
AWinner - I BEG to differ that renting near DC is uncerrated. My favorite memory of renting in Fairfax County (Alexandria) features being followed from my car to my building one night after work (maybe 7 PM) by a neighbor who tried to hit on me then got loud/violent/threatening when I ignored him. Thank God, my husband was also passing through the parking lot, who stepped in, and we called the police. When the police officer learned that my harasser was olive-skinned and Spanish-speaking, the reaction was "Of course... you never would have reported a white man. You brought it upon yourself being out so late."
Second favorite memory features being forced to move every year when the landlords tried to jack up the rent 30-40% due to "market conditions." Yeah, I don't miss NoVA all that much once I think about it, just wish my friends lived closer. :)
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Posted By: jadams08
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 11:38am
The commute here is ridiculous. The government here has sucked the life out of this area, and the many attempts to revive it, by building more hosing developments, and more strip malls, and widening roads, have only made it worse.
When I was in the military we used to joke about how bad the local towns were, where there was a base. i.e. Camp Lejune, NC. Exactly, how many bases, forts, training facilities, do we have around here.
Ladies, lets just make it a single parent law...there are some single fathers out there that are struggling too, who as well hate leaving there children in daycare from 6am to 6pm. Who wakes there 4 and 5 year old up at 4:45 am so I can be at work by 7:30am.
Simply put it is the nature of this area...to have the life sucked right out of you.
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Posted By: toomuchcoffeelady
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 11:42am
quote:
Originally posted by jadams08
Ladies, lets just make it a single parent law...there are some single fathers out there that are struggling too, who as well hate leaving there children in daycare from 6am to 6pm. Who wakes there 4 and 5 year old up at 4:45 am so I can be at work by 7:30am.
Or amend the law to include pregnant/trying to adopt people?
Or amend the law to get rid of stupid "mandatory" hour lunch breaks?
ain't free speech a wonderful thing, until you don't like the views being stated? - Ceejay2
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Posted By: dudte
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 7:01pm
Where I came from I had a 45 mile commute. It took 37 minutes from my garage to the very open parking lot of my employer (state university). 80 mph (or so...). What a life, what a commute. When I told my Dad I bought a townhouse he said "you bought an apartment? for $400,000? YOu could have bought three houses on the golf course here for that". Yeah, Dad but I had no opportunity, no income, no growth, and yeah, no real commute. I can afford the townhouse here. And no, it is not an apprtment. I've learned to live w/ no yard. Even like it.
I came here for the opportunities inherent to the area and gave up the open interstates, the huge lawn, and neighbors who wave and smile. But I make enough money to help my kids go to really great universities, I have traveled the world, and yeah, I sit on the road every now and then. It does suck the life - for my wife much more than me. I think I understand from watching her struggle with the time away, the desire to be at home, the loss of work out time, "me" time. It may not a solution for you but we made specific career decisions to maximize my income potential to allow her more flexibility (time at home working .5 or .75 rather than FT). I don't do what I truly love but I make $$. She's happy, I send a truckload of money to Harvard every semester, and I love my slug riders. Not all ideal - I'd rather make my living catching fish, telling big stories... It all seemed to make more sense when I was complaining about the roads being clogged here and being wide open for hundreds of miles where we came from. My daughter reminded me we used to drive fast and for a long time but when we got there we hadn't arrived at anything. Here, I drive very slowly occassionally but then I've arrived - at the Lincoln Memorial, at Wolf Trap, the Chesepeake, the WH, Ben's Chili Bowl, and on and on. Trade off's. We've come to some resolution about it. Hope you can too.
Hop in - let's go home.
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Posted By: blacksky
Date Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 10:41pm
quote:
Originally posted by dudte
Where I came from I had a 45 mile commute. It took 37 minutes from my garage to the very open parking lot of my employer (state university). 80 mph (or so...). What a life, what a commute. When I told my Dad I bought a townhouse he said "you bought an apartment? for $400,000? YOu could have bought three houses on the golf course here for that". Yeah, Dad but I had no opportunity, no income, no growth, and yeah, no real commute. I can afford the townhouse here. And no, it is not an apprtment. I've learned to live w/ no yard. Even like it.
I came here for the opportunities inherent to the area and gave up the open interstates, the huge lawn, and neighbors who wave and smile. But I make enough money to help my kids go to really great universities, I have traveled the world, and yeah, I sit on the road every now and then. It does suck the life - for my wife much more than me. I think I understand from watching her struggle with the time away, the desire to be at home, the loss of work out time, "me" time. It may not a solution for you but we made specific career decisions to maximize my income potential to allow her more flexibility (time at home working .5 or .75 rather than FT). I don't do what I truly love but I make $$. She's happy, I send a truckload of money to Harvard every semester, and I love my slug riders. Not all ideal - I'd rather make my living catching fish, telling big stories... It all seemed to make more sense when I was complaining about the roads being clogged here and being wide open for hundreds of miles where we came from. My daughter reminded me we used to drive fast and for a long time but when we got there we hadn't arrived at anything. Here, I drive very slowly occassionally but then I've arrived - at the Lincoln Memorial, at Wolf Trap, the Chesepeake, the WH, Ben's Chili Bowl, and on and on. Trade off's. We've come to some resolution about it. Hope you can too.
Hop in - let's go home.
here, here
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Posted By: toomuchcoffeelady
Date Posted: 22 Jul 2008 at 1:23pm
OK... You all mention your families in your posts as part of, if not the entire, the reason you get up and do this lifesucking commute.
So, if you have no children; and the 50-mile drive to the Smithsonian you've seen 2556309583098 times isn't floating your boat (not to mention the LAST thing I feel like doing on the weekends is getting back into the car), then what?
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Posted By: n/a
Date Posted: 22 Jul 2008 at 2:49pm
quote:
Originally posted by toomuchcoffeelady
OK... You all mention your families in your posts as part of, if not the entire, the reason you get up and do this lifesucking commute.
So, if you have no children; and the 50-mile drive to the Smithsonian you've seen 2556309583098 times isn't floating your boat (not to mention the LAST thing I feel like doing on the weekends is getting back into the car), then what?
Only other options: learn to live with it, or move away. But, "away" where? It's crowded everywhere now! Bad traffic everywhere now! Everything is a trade-off; learn to put up with bad traffic and crowds so that we can provide for those who we love. I figure I can tolerate a few more years of this rat race, at least until my kids are out of college. Then who know's what?
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Posted By: serenitynow
Date Posted: 22 Jul 2008 at 3:05pm
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Do you have any option to telecommute or work from a telework center, even if it is only one day a week?
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Posted By: serenitynow
Date Posted: 22 Jul 2008 at 3:18pm
quote:
Originally posted by toomuchcoffeelady
OK... You all mention your families in your posts as part of, if not the entire, the reason you get up and do this lifesucking commute.
So, if you have no children; and the 50-mile drive to the Smithsonian you've seen 2556309583098 times isn't floating your boat (not to mention the LAST thing I feel like doing on the weekends is getting back into the car), then what?
agreed, our youngest of 6 just graduated One word - RETIREMENT and the commute is a means to our end. Already have one waiting for me, working on #2 and hubby is within 5 years, but will probably leave on Friday and come back Monday as a contractor, but.. more on his own terms eh? it does alter the perspective.
As for laws, if nothing else there should be provisions for working parents, mom & dad both. DC is basically a very flexible work schedule city and it would be great if employers were more willing to embrace "virtual" office philosophy. production is production, whether I see you do it or not.
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Posted By: dudte
Date Posted: 22 Jul 2008 at 9:02pm
We had to decide as a couple how much "live today" and how much "build for the future". LIfe is short, do it now, do what you like. That lead to moving away from everything - family, friends, roots - and to everything that is DC metro, good and bad. Build for the future - sacrifice to invest, put money into education for children rather than driving new Mercedes, live below means.
None of this is your answer but encouragement that your struggle is common. I love the wide open spaces, the simple life, having coffee in the only spot in town. I so miss the sunsets, the thunderstorms, and yes, even the tornados. But I've also learned to love the Mall, the Metro, and yes, even the HOV. I love the Smithsonians(s)! But I don't have to go there every day and on the weekend.
You may have reached a tipping point, a point at which you put everything up for consideration. Is it time to work 50 miles west of here rather than battling 400,000 other folks all trying to get into the same District? We came to a point where we said "open the map - nothing is off the table". Of course my first job offering was in Nevada. Turns out not everthing was on the table!! The pictures at least suggested there is no grass in Nevada. But the exercise was valuable. If you are at the tipping point maybe you are ready to get out the map, update the resume/CV, and take a look - even Nevada...
Tough stuff, all.
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Posted By: Jody
Date Posted: 23 Jul 2008 at 4:47pm
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If only telecommuting were an option for secretaries. I work for a law firm. Every Friday during the summer, the partners & associates leave early but want their secretaries to stay to transfer any client calls to them.
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Posted By: getmehome pweeze
Date Posted: 24 Jul 2008 at 11:28am
Dudte- Thank you. I can relate to your posting. My husband and I moved her from NY because of the job opportunities. We even moved to VA, didnt like it, moved back to NY, couldnt afford it, and here we are- townhouse and four month old later- happy, and tired. I hate giving up my baby to daycare 12 hours a day. I hate having to worry whether I can get a ride, take the bus, afford to drive in- everyday. But, these are the paths we choose. Most of the time to do rite by our families, even if that means less time during the week- more time on weekends and holidays to be a normal person. I too miss the big back yard, and a regular neighborhood where you know your neighbors first name. Its all good. I love my job, my hubby, and my baby.
Slug'n till 2010 (when the HOT lanes roll in)
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Posted By: DC2RV
Date Posted: 13 Aug 2008 at 8:01pm
Toomuchcoffeelady - commuting doesn't get any better, it only gets worse...
I've done metro, the bus, carpooling, driving solo, slugging. And this since the early/mid 90's.
As others have said, we make choices and try to deal. Luckily for me, I'm in Burke so my commute isn't (usually) as long as yours.
Friends of mine have commuted from F'burg - they found vanpools the right solution. Me - i couldn't do it. I'd suggest trying the various options available to you to see which one's the least onerous.
So, hang in there, good luck, and Stella is only 13.99 a 12 pack at Giant.[:)]
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Posted By: toomuchcoffeelady
Date Posted: 18 Aug 2008 at 12:25pm
Posted By: sluDgE
Date Posted: 18 Aug 2008 at 12:57pm
[^] Stella is BEER! [^]
According to Wikipedia:
"Stella Artois is a 5.2% ABV global lager first brewed in Leuven, Belgium in 1926 as a Christmas brew, and named Stella after the Latin for "star."[1]
Although Belgium is best known internationally for its ales, the so-called "table beers," the bottom-fermented pilsner lagers such as Stella Artois head the list for domestic consumption, making up almost 75% of Belgian beer production. Stella is promoted as an international brand by its brewer, InBev. In its home market of Belgium, however, it is marketed, priced and sold as a regular lager."
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Posted By: DC2RV
Date Posted: 18 Aug 2008 at 1:01pm
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Stella Artois - aka the "bud" of Belgium... And also a product of the company that recently bought Anheuser-Busch.
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Posted By: getmehome pweeze
Date Posted: 18 Aug 2008 at 1:21pm
to quote a Red Stripe commercial (Jamaican beer-yum!) "Yay Beer!"
Slug'n till 2013 (when the HOT lanes roll in)
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Posted By: toomuchcoffeelady
Date Posted: 19 Aug 2008 at 11:24am
LOL, I'm more a boxed wine gal myself...
ain't free speech a wonderful thing, until you don't like the views being stated? - Ceejay2
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Posted By: n/a
Date Posted: 22 Aug 2008 at 11:00am
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OMG, I also bought a home for a nice price and a yard for my son, about 2 months ago and my stress level is hitting the sky!!!!! Commuting with kids sitting in traffic, when I could be productive with them!!!! Not sure what to do besides hoping VDOT hears us mom's and are able to hop on the HOV with our kids...
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Posted By: psueric
Date Posted: 28 Aug 2008 at 3:43pm
can't speak for everyone,
but I commute from Manassas to Downtown 4 days a week.
(Telework every monday.) And I love my commute.
I vary my commute between slug riding, and the PRTC OMNIRIDE Bus.
It's a 15 minute drive to the commuter lot, and then a 25-45 minute relaxing ride into the city. I can read books, newspaper, or my favorite...nap.
It's my sanity check in the afternoon, after a crazy day in the office, before getting home to a family of 4.
Not sure about the F'burg area, but the PW County busses run from 5:00am until 8:00pm.
So regardless of your work hours, you should be able to find some way to "ride" to work, instead of "driving". And for me, that's the key to my sanity. If I drove to work everyday, I would be a monster by the time I got home everyday.
Hope this helps
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Posted By: sluDgE
Date Posted: 28 Aug 2008 at 5:32pm
In case LilPeachesPam isn't aware, children do count as passengers for HOV purposes. If she has two kids in the car with her, her using the HOVs during restricted hours meets the HOV3+ rule.
We know a lady who had daycare arrangements near her workplace in Arlington and her two little ones were her regular slugs. That was a few years ago, and her kids are both school aged now. I don't think she ever had a problem using the HOV lanes with only small kids in the car back then.
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Posted By: psueric
Date Posted: 29 Aug 2008 at 8:30am
sludge is absolutely correct.
For several years, I worked in dc, and slugged to BOBS, and picked up my 2 kids from daycare in springfield, and then got back into HOV at 7900, where I continued to Horner Rd.
One day, I had my two kids in the back seat, and a very angry lady was driving next to me in HOV, and she indicated her displeasure with my riding in the HOV lanes (because she couldn't see the kids in the back seat)
When I exited at Horner Rd, there were VA State Police monitoring the exit. They waved me through, and as I waited to turn Left into traffic, the Angry lady actually got out of her car, and approached the Police officer, ranting about the fact they he didn't give me a ticket. He politely explained the situation, and she crawled back into her car with her tail between her legs.
I love slugging...
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Posted By: toomuchcoffeelady
Date Posted: 03 Sep 2008 at 3:46pm
quote:
Originally posted by psueric
sludge is absolutely correct.
For several years, I worked in dc, and slugged to BOBS, and picked up my 2 kids from daycare in springfield, and then got back into HOV at 7900, where I continued to Horner Rd.
One day, I had my two kids in the back seat, and a very angry lady was driving next to me in HOV, and she indicated her displeasure with my riding in the HOV lanes (because she couldn't see the kids in the back seat)
When I exited at Horner Rd, there were VA State Police monitoring the exit. They waved me through, and as I waited to turn Left into traffic, the Angry lady actually got out of her car, and approached the Police officer, ranting about the fact they he didn't give me a ticket. He politely explained the situation, and she crawled back into her car with her tail between her legs.
I love slugging...
LOL, that is awesome.
ain't free speech a wonderful thing, until you don't like the views being stated? - Ceejay2
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