Forgive me, but I must vent
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Topic: Forgive me, but I must vent
Posted By: jjmahoney
Subject: Forgive me, but I must vent
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 9:18am
How many of us know the unspoken rules of slugging? I think most of us do. The one that I would think would be the clearest is the "do not speak unless spoken to BY THE DRIVER" for the riders. I've only had a handful of occasions where I've had chatty riders. If a friend gets in my car, usually we'll chat for a little bit. But it is MY car, so that's my right. But I don't think I've ever had it as bad as I had this morning. I picked up from Horner Road as I always do, and two ladies got in rather quickly (there was actually a line of people waiting). A hispanic woman got in the back, and an african american woman got in the front. I was looking forward to a nice quiet drive, listening to the news, etc., just like every other morning.
Well, that was dashed to pieces within the first 2 minutes. Apparently they know each other. The one in the back is separated from her husband, has four kids, is moving to FL, blah blah blah. For the ENTIRE DAMN RIDE they talked about her situation. She hates church now apparently, she hates black men now too (her husband is black, she's hispanic). I spare the majority of the details (and belive me, I got them ALL!!) I tried a few times to be subtle and turn the radio up so I could hear it...they just started talking louder. I turned it up again, they talked even louder. For the entire hour drive from Horner Rd. to their destinations on 18th street they were talking (traffic was bad in the HOV this morning, it figures!)
So tell me, should I have said something? I was so close many times, with certain comments, to ask them to stop. The woman in the back said a$$hole a few times, and even called church "bulls**t" because of what her church was telling her husband (and I'm a church going fella, so that offended me). I didn't want to be the bad guy, and I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable for the rest of their drive. But in all honesty, looking back on it, they were making ME UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY OWN CAR!! I shouldn't care how I make them feel if I ask them to stop. Usually people will chat for a few minutes, then once we're on the HOV, they stop. I was appalled and furious. I barely gave them a thank you, and quickly drove off when they finally got out.
Is it appropriate to ask slugs to stop talking? I think it is. I just wish I had. It would have spared me from getting to work so angry.
_________________
"The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." I Corinthians 1:18
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Replies:
Posted By: slugbug
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 10:33am
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With so many other important things going on in the world, I think it's a bit "petty" to allow conversation/talking agitate you. HOWEVER, you should have stood your ground as far as what TYPE of conversation was going on in your presence/your car. After the first curse word, I would've politely said....."Can you watch your language please"....and if they would've been offended...oh well. Some times people need to know that it's NOT okay to CURSE around any and everyone...I usually give people the "that is so rude" look when they do it to me....which usually makes them change their tune.
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Posted By: vabigblue
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 10:35am
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I feel you JJ. Obviously your riders did not know or care about the rules of slugging. I think you had a twofold issue confronting you. First, the lady who was separated needed to "vent" her frustrations while her friend was a crutch to lean on. While they didn't care if you were there or not, the story was going to be told and supported by the front seater. It sounds like the more support given, the more the other lady vented. Secondly, I believe you certainly had the right to tell them to settle down; however, what would the outcome been of that? The question is - could you have made the issue less volatile by asking them to be quiet? If not, that could have ruined your day even more. I think you probably did the right thing by trying to ignore these ladies while at the same time making a note of who they were for future references. Just my opinion. Thanks
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Posted By: Bob
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 11:09am
I think you have a right to state a couple of ground rules when riders get in. I once had a driver make a statement before we took off that he didn't like long cell phone conversations. I guess if I drove a lot I would probably get to a point where I would have a standard statement at the beginning of the ride including seat belt use and long conversations on the cell phone or otherwise. I was in a car a couple of weeks ago and the lady in the back was yakking loudly and angrily in the cell phone for what seemed like half the trip. As a slug, I came very close to saying something as we got out. To those who talk on cell phones -- have some consideration for your captive audience. What I just described is RUDE.
Bob
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Posted By: VA_Slugger
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 11:53am
You all have very valid comments for JJ. I'm with vabigblue..."make a note of who they are" and stay away from them and all the drama! [:0]
Enjoy!
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Posted By: emancilla
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 1:20pm
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I agree. They should definetely be in the "do not pick up" list. One thing is listening to a conversation with proper language and other is cursing in your "own car." I don't think is appropiate. It's rude.
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Posted By: jjmahoney
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 1:41pm
quote:
Originally posted by slugbug
[br]With so many other important things going on in the world, I think it's a bit "petty" to allow conversation/talking agitate you.
If you had been in the car you would understand what I mean. I've had people talk in the car before, and the person in the back seat has leaned up close so they weren't shouting. These two were practically shouting, and at times, laughing so loud I couldn't hear myself think OR the radio. When they would stop for a second, and I thought they were done, the front person asked ANOTHER question. Each time I got more and more annoyed. Come to think of it, I didn't hear the radio at all, because I didn't want to blow their ears out. I usually keep the radio volume so that I can just hear it above the sound of the car and road noise (about 15 on my volume control). At 15, I still couldn't hear it because of how loud they were.
It may sound petty to you, but it was flat out rude of them. I want a quiet drive into work. I don't need to hear two women complain about their lives and how much they hate men.
_________________
"The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." I Corinthians 1:18
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Posted By: motownldy199
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 2:26pm
quote:
Originally posted by jjmahoney
[br]quote:
Originally posted by slugbug
[br]With so many other important things going on in the world, I think it's a bit "petty" to allow conversation/talking agitate you.
If you had been in the car you would understand what I mean. I've had people talk in the car before, and the person in the back seat has leaned up close so they weren't shouting. These two were practically shouting, and at times, laughing so loud I couldn't hear myself think OR the radio. When they would stop for a second, and I thought they were done, the front person asked ANOTHER question. Each time I got more and more annoyed. Come to think of it, I didn't hear the radio at all, because I didn't want to blow their ears out. I usually keep the radio volume so that I can just hear it above the sound of the car and road noise (about 15 on my volume control). At 15, I still couldn't hear it because of how loud they were.
It may sound petty to you, but it was flat out rude of them. I want a quiet drive into work. I don't need to hear two women complain about their lives and how much they hate men.
Well, there's always the option of driving alone. [;)]
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Posted By: JiggaJynx
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 2:27pm
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I don't think you are petty at all. If I had been in your shoes, I'd have held it in, too, and fumed inside. It happened in my office once, when my office mate had a visitor that blabbed on and on about very personal details of her female problems, the trials and tribulations of being a single mom, her daughter's arrest for drugs, etc., so I know how you feel. You took the high road. Still, I wonder how they would have reacted if you had joined into the conversation. In the vein of "what I shoulda said was...." I wish I'd done that. [;)]
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Posted By: slugbug
Date Posted: 14 May 2004 at 2:42pm
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I in no way meant to sound as if I was insensitive with the situation. I guess in a nutshell.......NOTHING.....I MEAN NOTHING in life comes without issues. Slugging IS a option for both the slugger and the driver, which means, you're not going to be satisfied 100% of the time.....how many smooth rides have you had compared to the ocassional 2-4 incidents per year? Or, as someone else stated, there's definitely one sure way to avoid these problems.
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Posted By: jjmahoney
Date Posted: 20 May 2004 at 1:00pm
quote:
Originally posted by ktzmom
[br]I have to laugh because I know EXACTLY about whom you are speaking! The Hispanic lady has ridden with me one time and the lady from the backseat has ridden with me several times. However, they aren't friends -- they met in my CAR! And yes, all of a sudden the Hispanic lady started talking about her personal business, all about her ex, etc. I just think she is very lonely, going through a hard time, etc., and since she was with two women, needed to talk to someone. I was able to offer her some perspective as I had been in her situation and I honestly think she's a still a little shell-shocked and needed some sympathy. FYI -- I was informed that since her husband cheated on her, she was going to steal someone ELSE's husband in retaliation! (Of course I told her that would be wrong!)
HOWEVER, you would have been well within your rights to stop her as soon as she started cursing. A simple, "Excuse me, but I don't allow cursing in my car!" would have done it.
Merri Jo Outland
202-833-5001
It's sure is a small world in the slugging arena isn't it. That's funny that you had them in your car too. [:D]
_________________
"The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." I Corinthians 1:18
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Posted By: SlugBuddy
Date Posted: 20 May 2004 at 3:26pm
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The best thing to do is not to pick them up again. Driver's have that right just as riders do. You could have also asked them to speak softer and not to curse but you cannot expect people not to talk amongst themselves.
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Posted By: Mrs.KLB
Date Posted: 20 May 2004 at 4:48pm
Yes jjmahoney you most certainly should have said something that is absolutely rediculous to get into someones car that you don't know and talk like that, I wish it had been me, I have no problems telling people what's on my mind. I had a lady in my car last week drinking a soda in my car, and I kindly let her know I do not allow eating or drinking in my car from anyone.Also I correct the cell phone talkers that get in the car and want to talk all the way to Horner Road, when they get loud with their calls I kindly let them know to bring it down a peg and I don't care how you take it, you know I have been doing this slug system for 7 years now and it has really changed a lot over the years, I don't know where some of these people are coming from, but you know what I am time enough for them! HELLO!!!!
Mrs. B
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Posted By: vabigblue
Date Posted: 21 May 2004 at 7:42am
quote:
Originally posted by Mrs.KLB
[br]Yes jjmahoney you most certainly should have said something that is absolutely rediculous to get into someones car that you don't know and talk like that, I wish it had been me, I have no problems telling people what's on my mind. I had a lady in my car last week drinking a soda in my car, and I kindly let her know I do not allow eating or drinking in my car from anyone.Also I correct the cell phone talkers that get in the car and want to talk all the way to Horner Road, when they get loud with their calls I kindly let them know to bring it down a peg and I don't care how you take it, you know I have been doing this slug system for 7 years now and it has really changed a lot over the years, I don't know where some of these people are coming from, but you know what I am time enough for them! HELLO!!!!
Mrs. B
HELLO! That's the approach you have to take "Mrs. KLB". Your car, your rules, no exceptions! HELLO!
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Posted By: Johnny Cakes
Date Posted: 21 May 2004 at 7:47am
Easily solved:
"Excuse me, I really need to listen to the radio and think through some things."
[If conversation continues, repeat as necessary]
"I need to think through some things, so I'd rather there be no talking in my car, please"
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Posted By: Mrs.KLB
Date Posted: 21 May 2004 at 3:14pm
So I guess someone using profanity, and talking extremely loud in ones vehicle is okay with you from the sarcasism you are expressing?[;)] He turned up the radio to drown out the loud profanity, I on the other hand do not turn up my radio to drown out the loud cell phone users I just tell them to KNOCK IT OFF,I feel if you do not have the common sense it takes,to know that there are some things you just don't do any someone elses car,then it is up to the owner of the said vehicle to give them that COMMON SENSE!I guess you would also find nothing wrong with rolling down someone's back window yelling at some friends standing across the street[:)] yeah I had one of those too, and guess what I put her in her place[8D] BAD ME, SHAME ON ME FOR DEMANDING RESPECT IN MY CAR!
quote:
Originally posted by Johnny Cakes
[br]Easily solved:
"Excuse me, I really need to listen to the radio and think through some things."
[If conversation continues, repeat as necessary]
"I need to think through some things, so I'd rather there be no talking in my car, please"
Mrs. B
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Posted By: FromWoodbridge
Date Posted: 21 May 2004 at 3:42pm
So what are the best ways to tell someone to keep it down? This isn't a sarcastic post - I really am serious.
For example, if I'm driving and someone just has to have the long conversation about who said what and what food was served and who wore what (I overheard this as a slug), do you nicely say, "Please keep the conversation to a minimum." I honestly don't know how I'd say it. I'm all for someone making a quick, "Hi there. I'm on my way. I should be there in such and such time." call, but not the looooonggg inane or even business calls.
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Posted By: Johnny Cakes
Date Posted: 23 May 2004 at 9:49am
I'm not sure how my message could be construed as sarcastic. The driver turns to the slug, and politely states:
"I need to think through some things, so I'd rather there be no talking in my car, please"
Or some similiar variation. Problem solved.
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Posted By: Dhacim
Date Posted: 26 May 2004 at 1:59pm
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It is appropriate to ask slugs to stop talking.....I mostly play the part of rider, and realize it's the driver's car and would have no problem if someone told me to shut up. Then Again I am quiet...but none the less....
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Posted By: vabigblue
Date Posted: 27 May 2004 at 7:53am
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I think most drivers don't want to tell riders to "shut-up". I mean, anyway you say it can be construed as being offensive. Even though the vehicle belongs to a driver, they probably shy away from saying or doing anything to annoy the rider. That's probably why so many of these posts ask, "how do you say it" or "what is the best way to tell someone to.......".
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Posted By: glacier
Date Posted: 27 May 2004 at 9:54am
"Excuse me ladies, but I've had a hard day and have a massive headache. I would appreciate it if everyone would stop talking until we arrive...."
After that, turn the radio to full, open the windows, and put the rear climate control to full heat. Don't think it would have to devolve to that, but since we're brainstroming....
Cheers,
Glacier
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Posted By: emancilla
Date Posted: 27 May 2004 at 10:23am
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LOL, glacier. I'm pretty sure they won't ride with that person anymore.
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Posted By: jenna703
Date Posted: 27 May 2004 at 8:29pm
Whoa...this forum is pretty high strung...
hello, I'm new to this...I don't normally slug because I work 12:30 pm- 9pm (I'm beginning to think I'm lucky so I don't have to deal with all the nutcases out there who will be getting into my car tomorrow, on a regular basis). I will be picking up some sluggers tomorrow morning, because I will need to be in dc early. Personally, My view is; if I'm the driver, I rule. If I'm a person waiting for driver, the driver still rules. What right do you think you have getting into someone's car and bit**ing. If I got into someone else's car, I will make sure that I am going to end up at the right place by asking the driver (who knows, the driver might be nice and take you directly to work)...I don't think it's the driver's responsibility...the driver is driving your sorry A$$ to dc anyway, so people...get over it.
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Posted By: glacier
Date Posted: 27 May 2004 at 8:43pm
Jenna,
Remember, the slugs allow the driver's sorry a$$ to use the HOV and get to work MUCH quicker than they would without riders.
Also, it keeps life interesting having to occasionally deal with nut cases. Something to talk about when you arrive at work: Hey, I rode with this really cranky driver who ......
Cheers,
Glacier
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Posted By: VA_Slugger
Date Posted: 28 May 2004 at 8:42am
Even though I totally understand the relationship between the Slugger and the Sluggee, I find it almost totally unbelievable that a "rider" would get into another person's vehicle, and expect them to conform to their wishes [?]. All things being equal, the only thing I would like to see is a clean vehicle (i.e. nothing that will attach itself to me upon exiting the vehicle) for the ride. As for music, temp, etc, if it's not to my liking WHEN I FIRST GET IN, then I have the option to pass on the ride. Should it change during the ride to/fro, I guess I'll have to deal with the situation as it occurs.
Bottom Line - Flexibility on both sides.
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Posted By: CStuck2
Date Posted: 02 Jun 2004 at 1:20pm
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Man, this is hilarious! I know what you mean but people are just out of control. Some people should just have some common courtesy. But I guess it is like common sense, it is not common to everyone.
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Posted By: cloud31981
Date Posted: 02 Jun 2004 at 1:44pm
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Well as i am new to all of this, i was looking through the web site... and all slugs and drivers should definitely read the etiquette and rules section... it might help all
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Posted By: PSMITH4780
Date Posted: 02 Jun 2004 at 1:52pm
quote:
Originally posted by jenna703
[br]quote:
Originally posted by glacier
[br]Jenna,
Remember, the slugs allow the driver's sorry a$$ to use the HOV and get to work MUCH quicker than they would without riders.
Also, it keeps life interesting having to occasionally deal with nut cases. Something to talk about when you arrive at work: Hey, I rode with this really cranky driver who ......
Cheers,
Glacier
Remember, the drivers allow the slugs sorry a$$ to use the HOV and get to work MUCH quicker than they would without drivers......and a he$$ of alot cheaper!
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Posted By: glacier
Date Posted: 02 Jun 2004 at 5:03pm
PSMITH,
Please, try not to be redundant. If you must post, be original. If you bothered to read the entire thread, my retort was to Jenna's 27 May post stating the benefits to riders from the slugging transaction. I was merely pointing out, as one who drives and rides, the benefit to drivers. You post, parroting mine, which parroted Jenna's stated what she said a week ago. Next time, please do your homework.
In case YOU missed the bigger PICTURE, here it is: it is a mutually beneficial arrangement; also one cannot use the HOV without the OTHER.
Cheers,
Glacier
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Posted By: Luvmyhybrid
Date Posted: 02 Jun 2004 at 8:40pm
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Agree with VA Slugger...flexibility on both sides is the key. And besides folks, it's really not that long of a long ride (or drive). You're talking less then an hour...we're all adults. Suck it up and hope that the lanes stay clear and you get home even quicker.
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Posted By: PSMITH4780
Date Posted: 03 Jun 2004 at 9:13am
Glacier,
I was "parroting" Jenna's opinion. Are you the only one allowed to "parrot" someone? Are you suppose to have the last say? I think we all have opinions and each of us have a right to speak what we wish.
Therefore, why don't you just keep to the subject, post your opinion and leave other people alone.
Cheers!
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Posted By: glacier
Date Posted: 03 Jun 2004 at 11:09am
PSMITH,
I miss interpreted your prior post. You have my apologies and the last word...
Cheers,
Glacier
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Posted By: Uhura
Date Posted: 03 Jun 2004 at 1:40pm
I feel your pain, but WHY OH WHY did you feel the need to tell us the ethnicities of the riders?
Live Long and Prosper
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Posted By: DC2RV
Date Posted: 03 Jun 2004 at 2:13pm
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Peace and long life Uhura.
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