Coping with the Commute

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   OK, I've only been at it for a couple months yet, but the commute (rte 3 to Metro Center) is sucking the life out of me.  2-3 hours a day in the car, on top of 9-10 hours at the office (meaning due to the demands of my job, leaving by 5 isn't always an option, so I'm forced to drive)....  I feel like all I do is sleep, shower and commute Mon- Fri (not to mention, spending F-ing $500/month on gas!) and it is FRUSTRATING. Time to exercise?  Screw that, just let me be out of shape and die of diabetes.  No problemo. 

	I've planned my career around my life NOT revolving around my job, only to find it revolving around my commute because my H and I were "stupid" enough to buy a house we could afford. 

	No joke, I have listened to every single book on tape Spotsy's limited public library has to offer. 

	How long does it take to stop being "bitter"?  Does anyone have any "coping" strategies to not be extremely resentful?

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toomuchcoffeelady Members Profile Find Members Posts New Slug Joined: 27 May 2008 Location: VA Status: Offline Points: 0	Post Options Post Reply Quote toomuchcoffeelady Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Coping with the Commute Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 11:43am
	OK, I've only been at it for a couple months yet, but the commute (rte 3 to Metro Center) is sucking the life out of me. 2-3 hours a day in the car, on top of 9-10 hours at the office (meaning due to the demands of my job, leaving by 5 isn't always an option, so I'm forced to drive).... I feel like all I do is sleep, shower and commute Mon- Fri (not to mention, spending F-ing $500/month on gas!) and it is FRUSTRATING. Time to exercise? Screw that, just let me be out of shape and die of diabetes. No problemo. I've planned my career around my life NOT revolving around my job, only to find it revolving around my commute because my H and I were "stupid" enough to buy a house we could afford. No joke, I have listened to every single book on tape Spotsy's limited public library has to offer. How long does it take to stop being "bitter"? Does anyone have any "coping" strategies to not be extremely resentful?

getmehome pweeze Members Profile Find Members Posts Master Slug Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Location: VA Status: Offline Points: 501	Post Options Post Reply Quote getmehome pweeze Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 12:55pm
	I feel your pain- as I believe many of us do. H and I bought the house we could afford as a young couple- 4 years later, commuting from Stafford to DC and having a newborn in daycare 12 hours a day- I hate the commute. The bitterness gets dulled by the thought that my child will benefit from this by having two parents who work hard to pay for the nice house, good daycare, and spend every free moment (mostly on the weekends)showering her with love and attention. Slug'n till 2010 (when the HOT lanes roll in)

AWinner Members Profile Find Members Posts New Slug Joined: 29 May 2008 Location: VA Status: Offline Points: 0	Post Options Post Reply Quote AWinner Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 2:43pm
	While income is decent in the DC area, I think quality of life is still low, mostly because of the long work hours and commute. I also believe that renting close to DC is underrated and owning a SFH far away is overrated. This is especially true since home prices have fallen dramatically. Unfortunately, the people who are beginning to realize this are unable to sell their homes at a decent price.

Oxi Members Profile Find Members Posts New Slug Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Location: VA Status: Offline Points: 0	Post Options Post Reply Quote Oxi Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 Jul 2008 at 4:35pm
	quote: Originally posted by toomuchcoffeelady How long does it take to stop being "bitter"? Does anyone have any "coping" strategies to not be extremely resentful? I hear you. Live in Burke ( granted, a bit closer to DC then you but still in for a long haul), have 2 kids, and wish every day I could stay home a bit longer. My hubby works in Fairfax, so I am bit more fortunate - he get home way before me. And now I have my parents living with us and taking care of the baby. Nevertheless, commute drives me crazy! I am not sure we can stop being bitter - maybe become a bit less bitter... And enjoy EVERY MOMENT we spend with our families. I think we should draft a law "Working Moms Allowed to Work from Home Twice a Week" and submit it to the Congress. Do I hear "Yes"? [:)]

getmehome pweeze Members Profile Find Members Posts Master Slug Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Location: VA Status: Offline Points: 501	Post Options Post Reply Quote getmehome pweeze Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 7:56am
	Here!! here!! Oxi!! Slug'n till 2010 (when the HOT lanes roll in)

sluDgE Members Profile Find Members Posts Master Slug Joined: 27 Oct 2003 Status: Offline Points: 501	Post Options Post Reply Quote sluDgE Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 8:40am
	Where are the telecommuting options? [?] That surely could help a lot of us. [;)]

toomuchcoffeelady Members Profile Find Members Posts New Slug Joined: 27 May 2008 Location: VA Status: Offline Points: 0	Post Options Post Reply Quote toomuchcoffeelady Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 10:25am
	Oxi and SluDgE are speaking my language! :) And the rest of you... have confirmed my suspicions, that having children (I do not yet [:(] ) are the only thing that would make our ridiculous "life"style/commute worth it. AWinner - I BEG to differ that renting near DC is uncerrated. My favorite memory of renting in Fairfax County (Alexandria) features being followed from my car to my building one night after work (maybe 7 PM) by a neighbor who tried to hit on me then got loud/violent/threatening when I ignored him. Thank God, my husband was also passing through the parking lot, who stepped in, and we called the police. When the police officer learned that my harasser was olive-skinned and Spanish-speaking, the reaction was "Of course... you never would have reported a white man. You brought it upon yourself being out so late." Second favorite memory features being forced to move every year when the landlords tried to jack up the rent 30-40% due to "market conditions." Yeah, I don't miss NoVA all that much once I think about it, just wish my friends lived closer. :)

jadams08 Members Profile Find Members Posts New Slug Joined: 07 Mar 2007 Status: Offline Points: 0	Post Options Post Reply Quote jadams08 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 11:38am
	The commute here is ridiculous. The government here has sucked the life out of this area, and the many attempts to revive it, by building more hosing developments, and more strip malls, and widening roads, have only made it worse. When I was in the military we used to joke about how bad the local towns were, where there was a base. i.e. Camp Lejune, NC. Exactly, how many bases, forts, training facilities, do we have around here. Ladies, lets just make it a single parent law...there are some single fathers out there that are struggling too, who as well hate leaving there children in daycare from 6am to 6pm. Who wakes there 4 and 5 year old up at 4:45 am so I can be at work by 7:30am. Simply put it is the nature of this area...to have the life sucked right out of you.

toomuchcoffeelady Members Profile Find Members Posts New Slug Joined: 27 May 2008 Location: VA Status: Offline Points: 0	Post Options Post Reply Quote toomuchcoffeelady Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 11:42am
	quote: Originally posted by jadams08 Ladies, lets just make it a single parent law...there are some single fathers out there that are struggling too, who as well hate leaving there children in daycare from 6am to 6pm. Who wakes there 4 and 5 year old up at 4:45 am so I can be at work by 7:30am. Or amend the law to include pregnant/trying to adopt people? Or amend the law to get rid of stupid "mandatory" hour lunch breaks? ain't free speech a wonderful thing, until you don't like the views being stated? - Ceejay2

dudte Members Profile Find Members Posts New Slug Joined: 05 Oct 2006 Location: Va Status: Offline Points: 0	Post Options Post Reply Quote dudte Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 Jul 2008 at 7:01pm
	Where I came from I had a 45 mile commute. It took 37 minutes from my garage to the very open parking lot of my employer (state university). 80 mph (or so...). What a life, what a commute. When I told my Dad I bought a townhouse he said "you bought an apartment? for $400,000? YOu could have bought three houses on the golf course here for that". Yeah, Dad but I had no opportunity, no income, no growth, and yeah, no real commute. I can afford the townhouse here. And no, it is not an apprtment. I've learned to live w/ no yard. Even like it. I came here for the opportunities inherent to the area and gave up the open interstates, the huge lawn, and neighbors who wave and smile. But I make enough money to help my kids go to really great universities, I have traveled the world, and yeah, I sit on the road every now and then. It does suck the life - for my wife much more than me. I think I understand from watching her struggle with the time away, the desire to be at home, the loss of work out time, "me" time. It may not a solution for you but we made specific career decisions to maximize my income potential to allow her more flexibility (time at home working .5 or .75 rather than FT). I don't do what I truly love but I make $$. She's happy, I send a truckload of money to Harvard every semester, and I love my slug riders. Not all ideal - I'd rather make my living catching fish, telling big stories... It all seemed to make more sense when I was complaining about the roads being clogged here and being wide open for hundreds of miles where we came from. My daughter reminded me we used to drive fast and for a long time but when we got there we hadn't arrived at anything. Here, I drive very slowly occassionally but then I've arrived - at the Lincoln Memorial, at Wolf Trap, the Chesepeake, the WH, Ben's Chili Bowl, and on and on. Trade off's. We've come to some resolution about it. Hope you can too. Hop in - let's go home.